Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The story of us part I-can't-remember

This is the story of how 3 words changed my life and how I gave away a precious item to someone who believes in pirates.

Item: my mothers jewelry box
Nemesis: my sister
Background: it's been many years since my mother decided to tell us that she wanted to be rid of her jewelry box. A handsome deep brown box with carefully laid joints and rivets. Curved on the top with a delicate latch holding tight to its contents.

My sister, 6 years my younger, and I have NOT fought since young children with the exception of one butt touching incident many years ago (a story for another time). This silent battle for the right to claim the sacred box of our childhood has raged for so long I don't know if my timelines are correct or of we had laid a predatory claim long before we knew there was a claim to be laid. The reasons why we needed or deserved the box year after year, holiday after holiday would fall on my mother and her wisdom to decide. Her answer was always the same, no one gets the box until You agree who gets the box.

Then came tonight. As I was leaving my moms house she recanted her least conversation with my sister.
My sister had an idea - give me the box and her my mothers wedding ring. Which was a no go because my stepdad is heir to that loom. Mom countered with the idea that she would give it to my brother and end this once and for all. 
That's when it happened. Mom said " your sister has an idea of what to do with the pirate box".

the pirate box

And I said "she can have it".

And just like that, she could. Because she thinks it's a pirate box, and my brother would think nothing of it at all. My sister thinks its treasure, and it is. But it's so much more, it's never been about the box. It's never been about who gets this piece of my mothers life, her late 20s, her single motherhood. Her time of knowing nothing and learning everything there is to know about the 3 most important humans in the world. 

It's about the piece of her that was just her. It's about the part of my mom that wasn't a mom at all. It's the girl who stowed away treasure, who showed her treasure to 2 little girls, who shared her secrets, who entrusted us with the things all little girls think make you a woman. 

It's the place our cloak pins from SCA were carefully tucked away, it's the home of the dragon cuff and the moonstone earrings. It's plant toad's winter home and dress up afternoons. It's where we snuck pieces of mom to take with us on our journey. It's where teenage usses became ladies. It's years of love worn into the lining from our hands carefully separating chains and findings. It's the tube of lipstick she never really wore except that one time, and a stray marble. Even this box, with all those things gone on to other adventures is "don't forget to put the bottle on the door". 

And that is how I chose to give the most prized possession of our inheritance to my sister, after years of saying "me or no one". Because I have all those things, locked up tight in my soul, and they will never go away. And I have my own box, a beautiful handmade wooden box from Iraq, that holds my secrets. My mothers first engagement ring, my favorite necklace made by a dear friend, the earrings  wore on my first day of work at multiple places and the locket my husband gave me for my anniversary. I have my own afternoons, and stealthy teenage thefts of my cool Polaroid camera earrings. 

And that is the story of how in an instant of what I'm sure is insanity I relinquished my claim to a small wooden box I'd fought for 15 years to obtain. 

Because it's not about my sister being my moms favorite (which she isn't, mom loves us all the same and would give heaven and earth for each of us), it's about her being MY favorite (also my only, sister, that is) And knowing that things are just reminders of people. Just shadows of the past, my brain can remember all those things, those moments, those smiles, without the box. But to my sister, it's a pirate treasure, and maybe a new adventure, and no one loves and adventure more than me.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

No computer, not necessarily a problem

I haven't done this in a long while.
I'm not sure I even remember how.
I think... It's like knowing how to ride a bicycle (which I do), in that you never forget.
There was a time in my life when this blog was very relevant and helpful to my mental well being and then I changed, as we all do, and I moved on to other adventures.
I spent time doing things I liked more, or hated but were necessary.
It's been a few years now that I haven't had a proper computer (even now I'm writing this in the notes on my phone), and I used that as an excuse not to come here.
The longer I put it off, the easier it became to stay away.

I knew that I couldn't be the person I was when I started all this. I don't think I fit into any of the molds I used to subscribe too and the online world has become bigger.
I've spent my time on Tumblr reblogging things that make me happy, just to be able to remember them, but I wasn't creating much of my own.
I spent time on Facebook, feeling connected to those I already love, weeding out my friends list of those who don't give me what I need.
I spent time on Twitter and Instagram to fulfill my need for instant gratification and ego boosting.
I watched some important and life affirming videos on YouTube (and some just plain stupid ones too).

But none of that was about me.
It was for me.
I forgot that blogging used to be both.
It was about sharing myself and inventing myself and following the rules and breaking the rules and learning about the community of humans living on the crust of this planet.
I think I miss writing, I think I miss sharing, I think I miss feeling the power I have over my words and ideas.
I think a lot.
I think my thoughts get lonely up there battling each other in my head and want to come out and visit other thoughts.

So here I am.
Changed and changing,
Invented and inventing,
Powerful and empowered,
Learning, loving, hating, fangirling, geeking out, falling over, getting up, and moving forward.

I will not be keeping my old format.
I will not promise to do do anything but exactly what I want.

I will share when I want.
I will link some of my favorite things when I decide they are my favorites.
I will slowly construct a sidebar that makes sense for me, but for now I'm pretty sure all those links over there work.
I will endeavor to be real, and not sugarcoat my fandoms or my feelings about things.

I hope that I will find this new adventure as satisfying as I always used too, and I hope you will too.

Monday, June 11, 2012

There's an app for that... or not.

Why is it so hard to find a mobile app that works the way I want?

As a professional event coordinator (among other things), all I want is a reliable mobile app that will help me keep my clients, vendors and tasks in order. Easy peasy right? WRONG. There are about a BAZILLION websites that I loooove and work really well for what they do, but none of them have a functional app that does what I want.

For wedding and project planning there is nothing better than the and, but the knot's mobile app is directed at the bride herself, not the planner. Planning Pod's website is perfect, but no mobile app.

So what's a girl to do?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

In the shadow of death

Today I noticed on Facebook how many of my "people" are mourning a loss and felt a shimmer or relief, which was of course replaced by paranoia of when Grim will visit again.

It's a sad fact that I am even allowed to use the phrase "at my age" but the truth is that at my age you know people who die. Much more do than when I was in my teens and 20's.

Just another reason I have growing up.

To everyone suffering a loss today, I send thoughts of good will. There is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better but knowing that someone out there is putting money in your dharma bank can be nice.

Monday, April 30, 2012

my phone takes better pictures than my camera

and this is why Apple should make everything...

I feel that I must interject here and make it VERY clear that we here at the Shufelt household are NOT in any way shape or form Red Sox fans. In fact we are Yankees fans through and through. I think it may be some sort of punishment that our 12 YO got picked for the Red Sox in our local softball league.
Either way, as long as she is having fun and playing fair, it's a small price to pay for having to root for a Red Sox team temporarily.

Monday, April 23, 2012

How iCarly broke my dinner

When I am trying to figure things out I find it helpful to write lists, sometimes when things are REALLY important I do a Pro and Con list. After the fiasco that was my dinner tonight, I find it imperative that I make an iCarly Pro and Con list.

- Always appropriate for 12 YO viewing
- Jerry Trainer
- Positive messages to teens about how they can accomplish something great
- Girls wearing appropriate clothing
- Smart funny role models for the 12 YO that don't swear and rarely break any laws


Yes, that is a Spaghetti Taco.

In theory it's a novel concept. In practice? GROSS. Trust me on this.

Event coordinator! Not wedding planner...

I have the worst time explaining to my friends what I do as the manager of a bed and breakfast that hosts weddings. I swear they all think I am a wedding planner and the only problem with that is that some of my brides do too!
The problem with that is that they all expect me to help them actually plan the wedding and as a venue coordinator I just don't have the time. How do you explain to someone that meeting and coordinating vendors at my venue does not translate into me helping you pick our dress?

Mood: tired and frustrated