Tuesday, May 24, 2011

To my kids, someday you will thank me

This post is for my babies, because someday (sooner that I like) they will be out in the big, mean world and I want them to know the things they surely won’t have the patience to listen to.

Here is my first, big, HUGE, most important piece of advice. If you listen to nothing else I say and make a million mistakes and do everything backwards, DO THIS ONE THING for your momma, because she loves you and she wiped your butt for years and you owe her a little something.

Develop a good handshake.
There is nothing in this whole world better than meeting someone for the first , 10th or 100th time and shaking their hand and knowing they are good people. A good handshake tells so much about who you are and how you conduct your self. A firm, confident handshake can overshadow a bad hair day, lack of fancy clothes and running mascara from a surprise downpour. There is no better way to feel comfortable in someone’s presence than to have shaken their hand. Do not allow your self to be frightened by germs (that’s what hand sanitizer is for, more on this later), do not allow your wrist to go all limp and only use your fingertips to shake with. Don’t allow the handshake to last more than 5 seconds, and for Pete’s sake do not count the seconds out loud. It’s ok to break off the handshake first if the other person is not breaking after the 5 second rule (because that’s just creepy).
Now on to other advice, which is still important, so pay attention…

Hand Sanitizer is your friend.

Don’t become a crazy weirdo using it a million times a day because you are afraid of dirt and germs. Some germs are good for you, they help you build up immunities so that you aren’t a bed ridden sick’o’holic for the rest of your life. There are certain times however, when it is best for all involved that you have some stashed in your purse.

- When going to any kind of a meeting, luncheon, date (PS, you will never have to worry about this particular instance if we leave it up to your dad) or playdate.
- Also any time you are handling money, money is FILTHY, gross and disgusting. If you are pulling it out of your wallet to pay for something, don’t worry about it, but if you are at the grocery store selling girl scout cookies to a million passersby and collecting cash from who knows where it has been, use the hand sanitizer often.
- Oh, and please, please, do NOT try to wash your face with hand sanitizer. It does not work; it’s not an instant bath. Trust me on this one.

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Be polite!

Use your manners; I didn’t spend hours and hours of your life asking “what do you say?” for nothing. EVERY human being you come in contact with has feelings. Even if they are rude, have a trash mouth or just have a nasty disposition they still deserve to be spoken to with common courtesy. Also, it can greatly improve a nasty person’s mood and demeanor if you are being nice to them, if it doesn’t don’t worry about it. They have their own Karmic piggy bank to fill and if they choose to make too many withdrawals its’ their crapfest not yours.
Note: This does not always count when driving in rush hour traffic, and of course you may blog about your own bad behavior and breaking of all these rules later on.

Don’t believe people when they say “There are no winners”

Of course there are winners, there are also losers, and in-betweeners. You just need to know what the competitions are. Life is not a competition; you cannot be a “Loser” just for being you. Chess, volleyball, baseball, pretty much any sporting event is a competition, you can definitely loose there (or win if your cool like that). In contrast you cannot also be a “winner” just because you got a bigger better TV than your neighbor or your lawn is perfect. Those things are not competitive sports to which you must develop some skill to come by. Just remember that it is your traits that define you, NOT your things.

Own your values and make goals.

This one is for when you are much older, practically ancient (you know like 25?). This is around the time when you start to realize that your life is actually yours. You are in control of your success, failure, time and energy. Hopefully if your dad and I have done anything right you have completed college, have a decent job, and have some goals already. Regardless of your situation take some time to figure out who you are. Important Note: you may never figure out who you are, I certainly don’t know and I’m practically in the grave (31 for all you adults out there). Just try to understand what you like and dislike, how you feel about things and what you are going to do about it. If you come out with 1 good value and 1 good goal by the time you are 25 your momma will be very proud, just to be clear, even if you don’t I will still be proud.

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